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Ink

I'm an atheist. So when my mom died last December, I didn't have a bible to turn to. I don't believe in heaven, so I couldn't be comforted by the thought of mom sitting on a fluffy cloud watching over me (conversely, I also don't have to worry about her burning in the pits of hell. So.)

But I needed comfort, so I turned to my Harry Potter books (and fandom.) In Prisoner of Azkaban, after Harry tells Dumbledore that he thought it was his dad saving him with the stag patronus, Dumbledore says to Harry "You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us?" I can't even begin to tell you how much I was comforted by that thought. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and carried it in my pocket every day. When I needed to, I'd bring it out and read the quote a million times and think about how, as long as I have my memory, my mom will never leave me. Sometimes I'd lose the paper, or I'd accidentally wash it in my pocket, but I'd always write it out again.

Yesterday, I got this tattoo.
Screenshot 2013-07-06 at 20.06.38

The four-leaf clover is not a HP symbol. It's sort of the unofficial symbol my siblings and I have adopted for our mom. She was insanely good at finding four-leaf clovers anywhere.

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Unemployed and thrilled.

Yesterday was my last day at work. DO YOU HEAR ME WORLD????? I've been earning a paycheck since I was fifteen years old, just over half my life, and now I'm not. Now I'm going to become a stay at home mom. Which is.....weird for me. I've always wanted it and now that it's here, I'm happy. But I'm friggin terrified as well.

It's officially official that I'm being induced one week from today, on 2/25. I wanted to avoid it, but the last few weeks brought the nasty surprise of pregnancy-related sciatica, making it difficult for me to walk normally, and even making it impossible for me to walk at all on occasion. My doc offered to induce me and I insisted on waiting until I was 40 weeks at least, not going earlier. Then he did me a huge solid by filling out my FMLA forms and starting my leave a week ahead of schedule so that I have this whole week to rest my hip. (Not to mention the lower back, which hasn't exactly been feeling top-notch.) There's still a chance of course, that I could go into labor on my own in the next week.

This is what 39 weeks pregnant looks like. Ignore the messy ponytail I'm getting it cut rather dramatically on Tuesday. I'm also wearing one of only two pairs of pants that are even comfortable anymore. One week....just keep telling myself that...one week.

Current Mood: lonely

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What? Two posts in one day?

D is out of town at a conference in Chicago. (Because who the fuck has a conference in Chicago in January??? It's like a million below zero in Chicago in January). I'm all by my lonesome for four whole nights. I miss him already, but it's not so bad. I'm going to watch a lot of Dr. Who on Netflix streaming and Mamma Mia on regular Netflix. Also, he left four goodnight notes taped to G's bedroom door. One for each night he's out. We just read the first one as I put G to bed and G kissed and is sleeping with it in his bed. God, it was so cute I practically cried.

I have this friend (Hi Laura!) who is pregnant with twins and is on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. G overheard me talking to my mom about it and yesterday he kept asking me 'Why is Laura on bedrest?' It's hard to explain the concept of pregnancy and babies and the nine month gestation period to a three year old, but finally, after several attempts, something must have clicked, because he said "did I used to live in your tummy?" Yay! My kid gets things! And just to prove it, I broke out ye olde pregnancy pictures to show him what I looked like when he lived in my tummy. He thought it was a balloon. (ignore the incredible mess of our apartment in the picture, please)

( These pics will make you never want to have a baby. )

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Barenaked Ladies Stunt